nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
