i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
