she was so not down for the gang bang
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
