He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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