Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
