her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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