We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
