Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
