I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I need to calm my uterus...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
