I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
