mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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