this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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