i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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