guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
