woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
