Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
