It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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