No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
