so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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