Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
