I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
