yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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