You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
