i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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