More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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