If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im six kinds of drunk right now
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
