I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
