smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
