I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
