I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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