I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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