I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
