I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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