Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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