if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
