Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
