seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
