Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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