i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
