the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
