Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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