Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
