so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
