FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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