If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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