I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
