Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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