How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
