Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
