Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
