My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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