no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
