last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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