You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
