just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize