Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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